A Private Investigator???
by Veggie's Girl4
Summary: A/U: Vegeta is a private investigator, and is very good at his job. When beautiful, rich, Bulma Briefs comes to his office for help, Vegeta must figure out who wants her dead. But he had better hurry, time is running out... Please R&R! Thanks!


Diclaimer: I don't own DBZ, but I wish I owned Vegeta! Mmmmmm…

A Private Investigator???

By: Veggie's Girl

The little girl looked into the crystal ball and said: „Daddy..." with a whine in her voice that no grown-up could resist.

"Yes, my sweets. What is it?"

"See all those people I made show up in the ball? Well, I want them all to have new personalities. And I get to choose who's who!"

"Alright dear. Just let me get my glasses and my spell book. I'll change them just the way you want." He came back with a pair of spectacles and a thick, dust-covered book. "Oookaaaaay… So what will it be?"

"Oh, goody. That man, I want him to beeeee… a private detective! And that lady, she's going to be his customer. Someone wants to kill her. Aaaaand… that'll be her killer!", she pointed a chubby finger at one of the figures. "Now let's see… they'll be the killer's servants, cuz he's really rich. And the killer doesn't do anything himself. He hires this guy to do the job. Um… you'll have to flatten that henchman guy a bit, cuz in real life, it's a girl!" She smirked evilly.

"Okily-dokily!" And the father made the girl's wish come true.

~*~*~

The blue-haired woman went up the creaky steps, trying to avoid the debris scattered over them. When she finally reached the third floor, she turned left and came to a wooden door with a frosted window. The sign on it read "Vegeta Seyen*, Private Detective". She looked at a small card in her hand, made sure she had come to the right place, knocked on the door and boldly came in.

*(a/n: no mistake there, I know it's Saiyan!)

The man inside had been in the process of flexing his bare muscles in front of a mirror. He took one quick look at the guest, turned a deep shade of purple and muttered what seemed to be an apology. He quickly donned a shirt and tie and sat behind a desk, which was bare except for a telephone and a pack of cigarettes.

"I'm… sorry I barged in on you like that." She had a slight accent Vegeta Seyen could not quite put, but the deep purr in her voice sure put him on.

"No problem, m'am. What can I do for ya?", he asked inquisitively.

"Well, you see… oh, but you mustn't tell anybody about this! Not a soul!", she looked at him in wide-eyed horror.

"Hey, hey! Cool down m'am. I'm a PI. I have to protect my clients", he assured her.

"Oh, alright then… you see… someone is trying to kill me!", she burst out.

"OK. Could you tell me if you have any enemies…?", he said, pulling out a note-pad and pen and began scribbling something.

"But… b-b-but…", she stuttered. "Aren't you shocked? I mean, I just told you someone is trying to kill me and you take it like I was placing an order for two pounds of cheese!"

"Lady, I get broads like you in here all the time, and more often that not, someone's trying to murder them. It's really nothing new to me."

"Well, I never!" She gave him the once-over and decided this man was going to be much more polite once she was done with him.

"Listen, Mrs…?", he looked at her from under his black eyebrows.

"It's Miss. Miss Briefs."

"Listen, Miss Briefs. Do you want my help or not? Or did you come here looking for someone to take you away to some desert island and play personal bodyguard?"

"Oh. I-I mean, of course I need your help. Someone is trying to murder me", she said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I figured that", muttered Seyen, not sure what to make of this newcomer. Either she was delirious, or extremely eccentric.

"Well then, maybe you should start from the beginning?", he said, hoping that this would all turn out to be just a figment of her imagination.

'Well, the first time I got att… att-…", and she burst into tears. They were actually loud sobs and Vegeta was worried that the others on his floor would come running. They didn't, and he came over to the woman's side of the desk, sat on the edge and said: "Hey, kid. Quitcher bawling. It won't help the situation. The quicker you get it outta you, the quicker I can help."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Seyen. It's just that I've been bunching the fear up inside of me and haven't yet had a chance to get the pressure off me…" She pulled a tissue from her purse and dabbed lightly at her eyes.

"Hey, take it easy. You want a drink? Scotch? Rum?", he queried.

"Oh, Mr. Seyen. I would so much rather tell you the details in a more… well… because you see, this office is a bit…"

"Get to the point, will ya?", said Seyen gruffly.

"Well, it's a bit dank and creepy", she said quietly. "Could we go to my house? Then I could show you what happened where, show you some pieces of evidence I think you might find interesting, and we could sit down comfortably and I'll tell you everything", she said quite cheerfully now.

"Alright. But there's the question of a retainer…", he added quickly.

"Oh, that won't be a problem. After all, I _am_ the heiress of a multi-million dollar corporation. Capsule Corp., have you heard of it?" Seyen gave a short nod. "Well, will this do?", she asked, pulling a wad of money from her purse.

"Wha- one thousand zeni?" Vegeta's eyes bulged at the sight of the largest amount of money he had ever seen. "I'm afraid that's a bit too much…", he said truthfully, but immediately regretted not taking advantage of this naïve woman.

"Oh, don't worry yourself about that.", she smiled at him and pushed the money across his desk. Seyen had returned to his seat some time ago, and he now picked up the money and without a thought closed it up tight in the wall safe, fearing the woman would think otherwise and demand he returned the money. She did not however do this, and getting up she asked: "Do you have a car of your own, or do you wish to travel with me?"

"Oh… well, my car is being repaired at the moment. So if you don't mind…", he left the sentenced unfinished. 

"Of course I don't mind", she chirped and led the way out of the office and down the stairs.

By the curb stood a magnificent limousine. The driver started getting out of the driver's side, but Seyen stopped him with a motion of the hand and opened the back passenger's door himself. Miss Briefs got in, and at that precise moment, a man on a motorcycle revved up, and drove up to the limousine. He had longish blond hair, strangely feminine features, but Seyen couldn't really tell, because the man had a handkerchief tied over the bottom half of his face. The man broke the window opposite Miss Briefs and threw in a hand-grenade… with no pin. He then drove away quickly, before anybody could stop him. Seyen immediately jumped in the car, over his client, grabbed the grenade and attempted a dive through the broken window. He managed to release the grenade from his hand before it exploded, and when he finally opened his eyes, he was on the ground outside the limousine, in the middle of the street. A crowd of people had gathered, and he heard anxious voices calling "Oh my God, that man is bleeding!". He took a look at his hands and felt like he was going to wretch. They were badly torn up, but nothing a few bandages wouldn't fix up. Fortunately he had thrown the grenade far away from him, and had covered up his face while he fell to the ground. No people seemed to be hurt, which was a good sign. The grenade seemed to have been faulty and the force of the explosion was much weaker that it should have been.

"Oh, Mr. Seyen! You see! Thank God you were here to save me!… but oh my! We need to get you to a hospital!" Miss Briefs got out of the car and began helping Seyen up.

"I don't like hospitals. Just get me to your house, and I'll bandage myself up there", he grunted. 

"Al… alright." She turned to the driver and told him to take them to her house.

~*~*~

"Ouch! What the hell is this shit? It burns!"

"Stop twitching around so much! We need to clean out the wound. You want an infection or something?"

"Heh. I can cope." Seyen wasn't used to having a woman pamper him, and this wasn't going to be any exception. 

"OK, I'm done with that. Now I'll get the bandages." She picked up a roll, wound it around Seyen's hands and stood back to admire a job well done. "There", she said.

"Uh… I need a drink. You got anything, Miss?" Seyen was obviously shaken, as he had never come this close to death. Sure, he had been shot at, threatened with a knife, but never held a grenade in his hands… especially one that was going to blow any second! If he hadn't thrown it as hard as he had, and the force had been the way it was supposed to be, he, and most probably Miss Briefs, would be dead!

"Come on over to the living room, Mr. Seyen. We've got a mini-bar there. I'll get you something."

"OK. By the way, you can call me Vegeta. That's my name. Less formal that 'Mr. Seyen', that's for sure!"

"Fine, Mr. Sey… uh, Vegeta. You may call me Bulma."

"That's a really nice name…", said Seyen, blushing. He had just complimented a woman! This definitely wasn't normal.

"Why thank you. Yours is also very nice. And unusual, I must say. Like an alien name! Hee hee!", she giggled.

"Yeah. Guess I had screwed parents."

"Oh, don't say that. They must have had a wonderful imagination! And what would you like to drink?"

"I don't know… a scotch… 'Shaken, not stirred'", he quipped.

"Why would I shake, or even stir a scotch?", asked Bulma curiously.

"Never mind", said Vegeta, in contempt for her ignorance of such a popular line. Seyen had read James Bond books, finding them much more interesting than movies (A/N: believe me, they are!), ever since he was a little boy. That was one of the reasons he had decided to become a private detective, if he couldn't be a secret agent. "Boy, this job sucks", he said to himself.

"I'm sorry, what did you say? I didn't catch it", called Bulma from behind the bar.

"Nah, nothing. Just thinking…", he told her.

Bulma smiled. "Oh, thinking about this case? Good."

"Yeah, whatever", snorted Seyen quietly.

"Here's your drink, Vegeta." Bulma came up to him and handed him a glass of scotch. She herself held a martini dry in one hand, sipping it occasionally.

Seyen downed half the liquid in one gulp, wiped his lower lip with a thumb and looked at Bulma.

"So, uhhh… Bulma." He still felt uncomfortable pronouncing this woman's name. "What can you tell me about what's going on?"

"Well, it all started about a month ago." She began. "I came home one day, and I noticed it had been ransacked. I called the police, they came, searched for fingerprints, didn't find any and told me they'd keep in touch. They haven't called since", she added, disgusted.

"And was anything missing?"

"No, nothing at all. And they didn't find the safe I have installed under some panels in one of my closets. You need to press a hidden button, or you can't even pull up the panels with a crow-bar."

"Hmmm… like I asked before, do you have any enemies…? This wasn't just a plain robbery, though it was probably supposed to look like one, because nothing was taken."

"Of course I have no enemies! I'm a very respected citizen, I make sure of having no enemies!", she said shocked that Seyen could have even mentioned enemies.

"Look lady, you could have done something, and not even known it had affected someone. It happens every day. You drive too fast, and some old Sunday-driver has a grudge against you for the rest of his life. You lose those enemies real quick", he chuckled.

"Hmph. Well, I have _no_ enemies, _Mr. Seyen_."

"Alright, alright. So tell me, were there any drastic changes in your life a month ago? Like… I don't know… you pulled some investments from a company… closed down a factory… anything like that?"

"No, no. All our companies are prospering, and I try not to pull investments out in case it turned out to be an unprofitable move. Unless the company in going bankrupt. Then I do."

"OK, then any changes in your private life? Excluded someone from your will… broke off an engagement?"

"Well, now that you mention it, yes. I had a boyfriend for some time, but when I found out that he was cheating on me, I broke off our engagement immediately! The nerve of that man. Cheating on the richest woman on this coast!"

"Hmmm. Now we're getting somewhere. Tell me a little about this man."

"Well… but no, it couldn't be him, he'd never do such a thing to me. Cheating is one thing, but murder is a totally different thing!"

"That's fine, m'am-"

"Bulma", she interrupted him.

"…Bulma. But tell me about him nonetheless."

"Well, I met him at a restaurant. He was quite charming. He came up to my table, told me that he admired my work very much. He was quite handsome, so I didn't ask for him to be taken away. I asked him to sit down, we talked for a few hours. He was very charming. And that's how our relationship began. We were with each other for quite a while, as I said, but things started getting difficult between us. We had more and more fights… and then I found out that he had other women…" A tear slowly ran down her cheek. "I was devastated. I told him to leave my house and get out of my life. He didn't want to go, but I made him. I ran him out of the house! How could I have been so evil?"

"Hey there. You did the right thing. What makes you think he would've stopped seeing other women if you took him back?"

"I guess you're right…" She sighed. "Just a moment please. I'll go refill my drink. Would you liked your refilled too?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Bulma went over to the bar, poured herself another martini dry, and filled Vegeta's glass with scotch. She returned and this time sat beside Vegeta instead of across from him, like she had up to now.

"Anyways, he tried calling me a few times, but I never took the calls. I always told my maid to tell him I was away."

"Uhmmm…", said Vegeta, thinking deeply. "And what's his name?"

"Yamcha. Yamcha Scarther."

Vegeta practically choked on his drink. He jumped up and yelled: "SCARTHER?! That ex-con?!"

Now it was Bulma's turn to choke on her drink. "What? Ex-_con_? I never in my wildest dreams thought he would be a-a…"

"Wow. You've got quite the company. I thought Scarther was gone from the city. I haven't seen him in quite a while… but I understand. He was only known as Scarther to the police and other villains. In the news he was presented as 'The Grim Weeper'. That's why he told you his real name. Because you didn't know it, and his photo was never revealed."

"But… why did they call him 'Weeper' anyways?"

"Ah, cuz he always cried when he got caught by the cops. Compared to the crimes he committed, it was hilarious", said Seyen, not laughing. "But on with our case. When were you attacked next?"

"Well, they were never real attacks, like today. It was usually a break-in, or some kind of threat. I have those notes in a drawer." She went over to a small table, opened the drawer and pulled out an envelope. She handed it to Seyen. He looked through, reading the messages: "Leave the house, or you will regret it", "Sell the house if you want your life spared" and "A good vacation will do you much less harm than if you stayed here."

"Hmmm… these are strange. Does this house have any value that you would possibly not know of?"

"No, I don't think so. It was built by our corporation on land that used to be owned by a chain of fast-food restaurants. The house is relatively new, and the restaurant stood here for a good twenty years."

"Very intriguing…", mumbled Seyen under his nose. "Could you possibly have anything of anybody's that they want back, and don't want you to know what it is?"

"No, no. I always give back what somebody left at my house."

"Yes, yes. This is very fascinating…" Seyen was drifting off into his land of magnifying glasses, fingerprints and corpses.

"Mr. Seyen? Vegeta? Are you going to sit around like that all the time, or will you do anything about it?", said Bulma, quite impatiently.

"Hmmm… yeahhh…", he answered, not looking up.

"Well, Vegeta. I don't have time to sit around. I have work to do. You're welcome to look around for any evidence the police have overlooked." She went off to a door by the stairs, opened it, closed it behind her and her muffled steps could be heard as she descended what seemed to be stairs to a basement. Vegeta got up and immediately began inspecting the house. His search was fruitless until he came into Bulma's room. He began looking through drawers and blushed furiously when he came upon her lingerie. Nothing was to be found under the bed, behind the mirror or paintings on the wall, but when he looked up he saw something that immediately caught his attention. In the corner where two walls connected with the ceiling, across from Bulma's bed, were two tiny spots. On closer inspection, the spots turned out to be minuscule holes drilled into the wall.

"What the hell is this? Some kind of installation? Maybe there were cables coming through here?" He found a wire in one of the dresser drawers (inventors need to have these kinds of things around, you know) and slowly led it into one of the holes. After about two centimeters however, he came upon resistance. "So nothing came through here from the other side of the wall", he thought. "Looks like these were drilled from inside this room here!", he exclaimed. "But why?"

He went downstairs to ask Bulma about the holes. She was as mystified as he was, saying this was the first time she saw them.

"Hmmm… very interesting", she said, obviously affected by Vegeta's attitude toward the case.

"Bulma, would you mind if I stayed here for the night? If today was the first time they tried to kill you, and they didn't succeed, they may want to try again."

"Alright. Do you have a gun, Vegeta?"

"Yeah. Never leave the house without it."

~*~*~

It was not long into the night when Seyen's prediction came true. He was lying on the living room couch when he heard a scratching at the door. It then opened noiselessly, and a dark figure slipped into the house. It held an oblong object which reminded Vegeta of a gun with a silencer on it.

It began tiptoeing up the stairs, and Vegeta slowly got up and followed it. It was just about to open the door of Bulma's room when Seyen lunged at the intruder. He wrapped an arm around the man's neck (he could tell now that it was a man) and grabbed for his gun. But before he could reach it, the man jabbed his in the stomach so hard that Vegeta reeled and fell against the wall. The intruder turned around and lashed out, his foot connecting with Seyen's jaw. This impact caused stars to explode in front of Vegeta's eyes, but he shook them off and began getting up. The assailant tried another kick, but Vegeta wasn't fully up and took the opportunity to dive under the foot flying at him and tackled the leg the intruder was standing on. This caused the attacker to lose his balance and both he and Vegeta came crashing to the floor. The commotion woke up Bulma and when she saw what was happening, gave a little screech. 

"Get back in there! He wants to kill you!", yelled Seyen, and he threw a punch at the intruder. Bulma retreated into the room, and Vegeta grabbed the man by the waist and propelled them both away from the room. What was behind them was the stairwell and they both plummeted to the bottom. Being underneath Seyen, the intruder took on most of the impact and went unconscious. Seyen got up and turned on the light. He rubbed his aching jaw and saw that the kick had been so strong that the skin had broken and he was bleeding. He decided that the time for bandages would come later and he slowly approached the blond-haired man he recognized as the one who had thrown a grenade at them. He was again wearing the handkerchief, and when Vegeta pulled it back, he shuddered at the sight of the sickly feminine features on a killer like this. He went to the kitchen and got a rope and a glass of water. He first tied up the blond man's arms and legs, and then threw the water in his face. He spluttered, took a deep breath a looked around at his surroundings, still dizzy.

"Who sent you?", barked Seyen at him. "Speak up, bastard. What do you want from the lady?!"

"What's it to you, shorty?", sneered the blond at him. Seyen kicked him in the ribs, sent him across the room and repeated: "Who sent you? I ain't asking anymore."

"I can't tell you. He'll kill me!", the blond told him, panting, obviously impressed by his strength.

"Who'll kill you? If you don't tell me, the same fate will meet you from my hands!" He put up a hand, crossed a thumb over it, did a double-take, and looked at his hand. "What the _hell_ am I doing?", he thought to himself.

"Tell me now! Or you'll regret it", he said gruffly to the man tied up on the floor.

"I- I can't. I'd rather be killed by you than by him!"

"Alright. We'll start with the easier questions. What's your name?"

The man sighed in defeat. "Andy Ayteen."

"OK, now we've got that behind us. You're a hired killer, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Now we're getting somewhere. Now look, if you tell me who told you to do this, I'll get the police to give you a nice, cozy cell where you won't be bothered by anyone."

"Yeah, and if I don't tell you?", he sneered.

"I won't let you go. I won't kill you. I'll just cut your balls off."

"What?!" Andy didn't look so tough anymore. "Awright, I'll tell you." He started bawling. "It was Yamcha. Yamcha Scarther."

"Oh NO!", piped up Bulma, who had been listening for quite some time now.

"Shut up, Bulma", growled Seyen. "OK… now we're really getting somewhere. What does he want from the lady?"

"I don't know! First he wanted some roll of film or something… told me to look for a black roll. And then he suddenly changed his mind and told me to kill her off!"

"Uh-huh. Was is there anything else relevant you could tell us?"

"No, honestly. There's nothing else I know."

So Seyen called the cops, and after and the formalities Andy Ayteen was taken away.

Vegeta and Bulma sat around in the living room for a while letting what had just happened sink in.

"What do you know about a little roll of film?" He asked.

"I don't know anything about a roll of film. Could I just go to bed? I can't think straight."

"Yeah. We'll talk tomorrow morning."

"Oh, but let me tape you up first. The blood is drying on your face something awful!"

"Oh." In all the commotion Seyen had absolutely forgotten about his wound. 

Bulma dressed it up for him, turned around and suddenly sat back down on the couch.

"Oh my. I can barely walk", she laughed unevenly.

"Here, I'll carry you upstairs." Vegeta picked her up and began making his way towards the stairs. Bulma leaned her head on his chest and began tracing her finger along his firm muscles.

"You know, when I first came into your office, I thought you were a stubborn pig-headed man like any other. But I see that deep down, beneath your gruff attitude you actually do care. You have feeling." She looked up at him and smiled. Vegeta looked away, his face a mask of mixed feelings and emotions.

"Do you need anything before you go to bed? Do you want me to bring you something?"

"Only you", she yawned. Vegeta pretended he hadn't heard this, and he cleared his throat while opening the door to her bedroom. He approached the bed, but when he tried to put her down, she grabbed the collar of his coat and pulled him down on top of her. She brought their lips together, but had no hope that he would stay down. She waited anxiously for the moment he would pull away, but he didn't. She felt him relax against her, and his hand began roaming over her side.

"Oh… Veggie", she whispered in his ear. "You're everything Yamcha wasn't… you're caring, delicate…"

"Shhhhh", he told her. "I've never met a woman as intriguing and genius as you are. You're not like all the other broads who come around and pretend they need my help so they can spend the night with me…" 

"That's nice to know", she purred back at him. "But how can you be so sure I'm not just trying to seduce you and all that wasn't a set-up?"

"I've got the experience. I know a set-up when I see one."

Bulma kissed him again, this time harder, and she could feel his cold outer shell melting against her. After that the floor was a mess of strewn-about clothes and low moans and growls could be hear from the bed. The night seemed to grow longer and longer, the air moist and thick from passion and love.

~*~*~

Bulma woke up with a start. She looked over, saw Vegeta sleeping beside her and began shaking him awake. "Vegeta. Vegeta! Wake up!"

"Urh…", he snorted. He had had strange dreams of a little child becoming slave to a horrible, perverted monster and the nightmare had drained all the strength from his already aching muscles. He slowly opened his eyes and said: "What a freaky dream I just had…"

"You can tell me about that later. But I just remembered something about the roll!"

Vegeta was now wide awake, staring at her in anticipation. "Yes? YES?!"

"Well, I remember one time I woke up in the morning and Yamcha was coming back into the room. It was not a habit of his to get up that early, especially after we had… had a romp the previous night, so I was obviously curious. He got his clothes on and was putting a little black container in his pocket. I snatched it playfully from his hand, and he got mad at me. He told me they were very important documents for his company, and he couldn't lose them. I told him that I had a safe place I could hide them and that they wouldn't get lost. He started yelling at me, saying he wanted them back. I started crying, and he obviously cooled down, cuz he said he'd get them back later. Needless to say, I found out about him cheating on me the next day and threw him out."

"Ahhh… so the roll must be very important to him. And he didn't want you getting suspicious about it, so he left it with you. Did you two… do it the night before you took that roll from him?"

"Well… yes." Vegeta began doing some deep thinking, so Bulma went off to take a shower. When she came back, he was still musing, so she took a key and went over to a closet. She reached in over the edge of the door and pressed a button. The panels on the floor slid back to reveal a trap door. She inserted the key, opened the door and pulled out a roll from among the other precious belongings she kept in there. She went up to Vegeta with it in her hand and said: "I absolutely forgot about it up until now! Here it is."

"Um… could I take a look at it?"

"Oh, I'm sure you can. Yamcha won't be getting this back from me, anyways." Vegeta opened the container and pulled out a roll of micro-film. He unwound it and heard Bulma inhale with a loud hiss. On the film he could see photos of Bulma and Yamcha in quite… revealing poses. They were photos taken of them on the bed, and the camera seemed to have been posed right where the two holes were in the wall.

"Of course!", said Vegeta, snapping his fingers. "Why didn't I see it right away?"

"Of course what? See what right away?", enquired Bulma, but her questions went unanswered. Vegeta pulled on his clothes and began pulling Bulma down the stairs. 

"Where are we going?", yelled Bulma.

"Yes, why didn't I see it?", grumbled Vegeta. "Quick, do you have a car other than the limousine?"

"Of course I do, it's in the garage!"

"Then let's go!" They got to the garage, and Vegeta jumped into the driver's seat, motioning for Bulma to get in beside him. She did so, and they sped away from the house. At the end of the street Vegeta stopped, turned to Bulma and said sheepishly: "Uhh… where does Yamcha live?" Bulma chuckled and gave him exact directions.

~*~*~

"Now please, when we get in there, you are never to get between me and Yamcha, you hear?"

"O-OK. But why?"

"I'll explain later. Now let's get up to that door and ring the bell, or we'll never get this over with." They went up the steps, and Vegeta harshly punched the doorbell. The large mahogany door was opened by a Japanese man, very short in stature. He was completely bald, had six dots on his forehead and, strangely enough, wore a name-tag stating: "Hello! My name is Krillin Baldwell". Vegeta shot him a quizzical glance then said: "We want to see Mr. Scarther."

"Oh, yes. Prease, prease. You see him now. He be a waiting foh yoo." He led the way to a large sitting room, where Yamcha was already waiting for them. 

"Sur, dese be peepur wanting to see yoo."

"Yes… yes…" Yamcha rolled the words around in his mouth as if he were tasting a new type of wine. Suddenly, he went into a coughing fit. Whether he was just ill or he had actually choked on the words, Vegeta could not tell. But he was quite pleased with his little joke, even if no one could appreciate it.

"Urm. Good. You may go now, Krillin."

"Thanka yoo, master. Yoo be much kind."

"Yes, whatever. Go. Now, if it isn't Miss Bulma Briefs. Come back to beg for forgiveness?", he smiled leeringly at her. Bulma recoiled from his harsh stare and retreated behind Vegeta, where she knew she'd be safe.

"Alright, Scarther. The game is up. We know why you got together with the girl, know why you wanted her out of the house and know why you tried to kill her!"

"Oh, is that so? And why would that be?", he bellowed.

"Blackmail", stated Seyen plainly.

"Whu- blackmail? A-ha-ha-ha! How preposterous!", laughed Yamcha. "Oh dear, I need a drink…" He waited a moment then repeated: "I said I NEED A DRINK!"

Suddenly a side door opened and in stumbled a servant, splashing the contents of a glass he was carrying over the floor. "I'm-I'm sorry, master. I'll get you another one." This man wore a queer orange outfit which sported a tag stating: "Hello! My name is Goku Carrot."

"Oh, for the love of God! Don't you remember what I said? I said: 'When I say "I need a drink", you come in with the gun and point it at the guy with the weird hair!'!", he said, exasperated.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir." And with stunning agility and quickness he pulled a Savage from a hidden pocket and aimed it at Yamcha. "Not me, you idiot!", screeched Yamcha. "HIM!"

Goku Carrot, obviously flustered faltered with the gun. That was the precise moment Vegeta was waiting for. He lunged at Yamcha's bodyguard and knocked the gun from his hand. He kicked Goku's stomach and sent him hurling out the door. Then he grabbed his own gun and swung it around, just in time to see Yamcha, holding Bulma by the wrist, lean down to pick up the dropped Savage. 

"Oh no you don't", he growled, shooting the gun out of Scarther's reach. Scarther looked up at him with fear in his eyes, then sat down bawling. "Alright, I'll tell you everything! Just promise me you won't call the cops!" Not waiting for an answer, he continued: "I'm going bankrupt. I needed money, and decided that Miss Briefs here was a good target. I made her acquaintance, and soon we were intimate. I wasn't loyal to her because love wasn't what attracted me to her… It was money.  So I continued with my plan. I installed a tiny camera in the corner of the room-" 

"I knew it!", interrupted Vegeta.

"- and taped one of the nights we spent together. I was going to use that to blackmail her. She didn't know I was an ex-con, so when the news came out that she had been sleeping with a villain, she and her family would be ruined. I was going to keep quiet as long as she payed a certain amount of money into my account. And then everything went wrong. She took the roll from me, and I didn't want her to get suspicious, so I let it rest. But the next day she threw me out! I needed that roll, so I hired Andy Ayteen to check out her house and try to find the roll. But Bulma was never away for long enough, and Andy never got a chance to ransack the place completely. So I tried to scare her away for a longer time, even scare her into selling the house, but nothing worked! So I figured the only way was to have her killed. When she was dead and the police finally left her house alone, Ayteen would have checked the house thoroughly and found the roll. I would have then been able to blackmail the family, if not Bulma herself. But then you came into the picture and fucked everything up!", he said, sending Seyen a hate-filled glare.

"Why, you bastard!", cried Bulma and slapped him in the face.

"Hey, baby, no!", Vegeta said, pulling her back. The he grinned and said: "This is how you're supposed to do it!" And he balled up his fist and sent it crashing so hard into Yamcha's face that if it were possible, there would have been LOTS of sparks.

"And if the cops ask why he has a huge bruise on his face, we'll just say he threatened us. He he. After all, he did, didn't he?" Vegeta pulled Bulma close, giving her an assuring hug.

"What havea yoo done? I will kir yoo! Youa hurt de master! Noooo!" The little servant came charging into the room bearing what seemed to be a delicate, Japanese fan.

"Oh brother, here we go again. You wanna take care of this one?", Vegeta asked Bulma.

"Sure", she answered, and gave the baldy such a whack on the head that he fell to the floor and was later diagnosed with brain-damage and severe memory loss.

~*~*~

"Daddy, you can change them back now. I'm bored. He's solved the mystery."

"Alright." The father made some strange gestures above the crystal ball. "There, all done… Oh no! I forgot to make them forget what happened! They've retained memory of the whole detective business!"

"Oh, don't worry. They'll have another mystery to solve", she grinned.

~*~*~

Vegeta Seyen and Bulma Briefs were walking down the street hand in hand. The detective's and heiress' relationship had seriously evolved and Seyen was thinking about marriage seriously now.

"B-Bulma… will you… marry me?", ha asked, stopping.

'Why, Vegeta! Of course I… will?" She and Seyen suddenly flinched and looked at each     other.

"What the fuck was that all about?", asked Vegeta, quite stunned.

"I… I don't know. Were you just a- a detective?"

"And was… Yamcha trying to kill you?"

"This is so weird. Maybe we had some kind of joined dream?!… but it was really nice of you to ask me to marry you", she added, jabbing him in the ribs.

"Heh", he grunted.

About an hour after they got home the telephone rang and Vegeta answered it.

"Hello, this is the Satan City Police Station. Is this the Capsule Corporation?"

"Yeah."

"Ah, well, Mr. Briefs, I presume. We've got four strange individuals at out headquarters. Nobody seems to know who they are and how they got here. None of our officers made any arrests. The four people claim that the people at Capsule Corp. know them and will be able to explain this mix-up. Would it be possible for you to come down to the station and identify them, sir?"

'Oh yeah. Sure. I'll be over… some time", he said, putting away the receiver. He lifted an eyebrow in wonder.

"Vegeta, who was that?", asked Bulma.

"Oh, just a wrong number", he smirked evilly, and pulled Bulma in for one of those "Saiyan style" kisses.

THE END

Reviews and e-mails welcome (kotszok@polbox.com). No flames, please… SPARE ME! 


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